Ups and Downs.

Today is Friday. It has been a week of ups and downs. There have been moments that seem perfectly normal and there have been moments that make me wonder how I wandered into this foreign place full of technical jargon, where all I can say is, "Why?". How can all this discussion, reading, and research seem so impersonal when it is very personal, indeed? How did we get here? How do I get my daughter out of this place? Why can't I protect her? I am willing to trade anything to save her the pain and trauma she is surely facing. But there is no bargain to be made. Whatever the future brings for her, I can only be there to comfort and support.
It isn't supposed to be like this; I never planned for anything like this. I am not a person who gives up control very easily; it makes me angry. No, it makes me sad. Sad that no amount of determination on my part can change what Kelly must go through. I am working on my control issues. I have no choice.

Eric spent a lot of time these past few days checking on insurance coverage and checking out some plastic surgeons at both Memorial Sloan Kettering in NYC and Dana Farber Cancer Institute in Boston. MSK isn't a good match with their insurance, but DFCI seems to be. When Eric told Kelly that he was able to get her an appointment at DFCI, she was elated. When he told her it was not until September 16th, she fell apart. Waiting is the hardest thing to do. But she is on the books and she is also on the waiting list for cancellations. On Monday Kelly will ask her doctors in Albany to reach out and see if the appointment can be moved up. Boston is only 3 hours away and they are prepared to hit the road immediately if a cancellation comes up. Eric also secured an appointment with a plastic surgeon at Beth Israel Hospital, also in Boston. That appointment is for September 2nd. A little closer, but still so far in the future when every day seems like a week long.

Both of the Boston appointments are with plastic surgeons that were suggested by the Albany doctors. In addition, Kelly has a classmate, a physician at Albany Medical Center, who did his training at Dana Farber. He will do what he can to ease the way through the maze of scheduling and appointments. He has also suggested a few names that K & E will research in their quest for just the right doctor with just the right skills and experience. I hope they make that perfect connection soon.

We are back at Erin and Dan's tonight. The girls live only about 15 minutes from each other so it is easy to get back and forth. Dan is heading for San Diego for business tomorrow. Erin will go back to work on Monday. Olivia and Sam will get to spend a lot of time with Mimi and Papa this week. Our schedule is filling up with appointments for the kids' school physicals, school shopping and a visit to Sam's new pre-school. Oh, and we must prepare for our family vacation to Cape Cod as we leave a week from tomorrow. I suspect the days will move a little faster this week.

It's late. I'm tired and I feel drained. Morning comes early when there are grandkids involved. I know their smiling faces and boundless energy will give me a real boost. Hugs from little arms are the most precious medicine in good times and in bad. Hooray for hugs.